Lonely:
Dill’s Loneliness And My Loneliness
Paragraphs by Inpyo Hong
8th Grade English
Pine Point School
November 29, 2010
(TS) In TKAM, Dill explains to Scout that he feels as if his mother and new stepfather would prefer if he were not a part of their lives. (SD) As Dill stated in the novel, “They just wasn’t [weren’t] interested in me… when they were home, even, they’d get off in a room by themselves.” (CM) Dill was lonesome and aching for his parents’ companionship and attention. (CM) Additionally, he felt forsaken and like an outcast within family. (SD) Furthermore, he feels as though his parents buy him materials to occupy his time so that they do not have to keep him company. (CM) Dill explains the situation to Scout by saying, “They buy me everything I want, but its now-you’ve-got-it-go-play-with-it. You’ve got a roomful of things. I-got-you-that-book-so-go-read-it.” (CM) Dill would rather have his parents’ love and attention over material possessions. (CS) As a result, Dill escapes his loneliness by running away to the Finches where he knows he will never feel forsaken.
(TS) Recently, feelings of loneliness in my own life have allowed me to relate to Dill’s feelings of being alone. (SD) This October, I had to leave my first school where I had many friends to attend a new school where I was alone. (CM) I felt like a solitary person segregated from the rest of the world. (CM) To make myself feel better, I had to find a way to relieve my feelings of emptiness. (SD) Like Dill, I tried to replace my need for companionship by focusing my time on objects such as a computer and books. (CM) My feelings of loneliness did not go away. (CM) At this point, I forced myself to make friends. (CS) Therefore, feelings of companionship cannot be substituted.
Dear Inpyo,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your essay. The bell words were really placed in the right spots and it flowed really smoothly. One thing that I noticed was that "lonesome and aching" you could bold aching. I also saw that you did not have an appositive which was required. Great work Inpyo!
Dear Inpyo,
ReplyDeleteI think that you have a great piece of writing, esspecially because you compared how you once felt lonely to Dill's folorness, and comparing yourself to someone else, even a book character, is a great way to make people be able to relate to your writing. I enjoyed all of your essay, but one thing that I preffer is your second body paragraph's concluding sentence; I like how you concluded with a sort of moral; it made your point much clearer. One thing that I would like you to fix is part of your third sentence of your first body paragraph; you were describing Dill's loneliness in present tense before, but then you said that he was lonesome, and after you switched back to present tense. Also, I would like it if you extended your second body paragraph's last commentary; for example, you could put an "or else" and finish the sentence after stating that you had to force yourself to make friends. If you make these changes, you writing will be even more golden.